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| I haven't updated in FOREVER. Omgosh i don't even know where to
start. I guess the real reason i came back was cuz i need to just
write this down, just get it off my chest. So it's 10:30 at night
10:34 to be exact and i'm alone and sad. I just feel so
unwanted. Like things go on around me and i'm not involved in
them. I have no friends either. Like none and it's not
because of my boyfriend it's because everyone went away to college and
i have lost touch with mostly all of them. I feel so so so
alone. I have a great boyfriend and stuff yea great, but I used
to have so many friends. People i could talk to and hang out with
randomly and now i feel like i have no one anymore. I hate this
feeling. Like really HATE it. I'm sad b/c I feel like Mike
and I are just Mike and I. I love him and were going to get
married and stuff but we don't do anything. I have this feeling
like why even bother hanging out we're just going to do the samething
that night we have done before and the night before and like 8 weeks
before that. We don't have cute little dates anymore, I pretty
much pay for everything even though I make less then him, and all the
romance is gone. I used to get surprised with flowers and stuff
and now i feel like the next time i will see flowers from him might be
next valentines day...maybe. Not saying that I need flowers and
little gifts to keep me happy but it is nice. I feel like i keep
him from all his friends because i hvae no one else to be with so if he
leaves me then i'm alone and i hate this feeling i just hate it.
I know i'm rambling but its just what's coming out. I can't make
any friends at college cuz its sooooo hard. Sinclair is soooo
hard to make friends at. And i'm not an unfriendly person or
anything i'm a really big people person and I talk to people all the
time but i just can't make any friends....
I'm so alone so so so so so alone 
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| Haven't updated in forever. Nothing to much going on... I have realized
something though. I have the best boyfriend ever. And I'm
really not just saying that. Some things that have been happening have
really made me grateful for him. My stepsister just came over
last night with 2 black eyes because her boyfriend was drunk and
started beating her. A friend of mine just recently got into a
fight with her boyfriend where he hit her and he is constantly putting
her down. I'm so glad I have boyfriend who calls me beautiful
instead of a slut and who would rather kiss my cheek than hit it.
I'm so grateful for him. He's the only one getting me through
everything that is going on in my life right now and I really do love
him. Well sorry it was a soppy update but whatever I do love him
more than anything.
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| Sup kids! wow haven't written for a lil bit. Guess where u last
heard from me i was kicked out...yep i'm supposedly a "bad kid" lol not
really. Well i'm back home. Quit working for my parents
because i pretty much said fuck that after my mom went bipolar nutso on
me... but yea. So December 13 was Mike and I's 2 month
anniversary. As you can tell by the left hand side of the screen
<------ That is us lol. So yea completely totally in love with
this kid and were getting married in 5 years so you bitches better come
to my wedding lol. XMAS is coming! not that no1 knew that but ya
know. I'm getting Mike... oh can't say cuz he might read it aha
so none of you get to know. Anyways i'm gonna get off here i'm
getting bored...
I love you the most! 
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| So... I got kicked out of my mom's house. Still not really sure why. She was really drunk when i came home so i think most of it was the alchol. So now i'm living with my dad. I hate it here. I have never wanted to go home so badly in my entire life. I don't have a job now either because i worked for my parents and basically i take it as i'm fired. So yea sitting here kinda homeless...well i've lost my sense of home... and jobless. I think i might skip winter quarter at sinclair and work two jobs to get an apt. i dunno what i'm gonna do... suggestions? | | |
| So... this is going to be a pretty long entry...mostly rantings so just
to warn you now. My grandma is gonna die. Yep, thats pretty
much straight to the point. My grandma has had ovarian cancer for
almost 7 months now and we found out that after the harsh chemo and
everything else she has gone through that she's still gonna die.
The doctor's don't care because they are so numb to telling people "Oh
theres nothing more we can do for you." That they have given up on
her... Now....moving on to a godly aspect of things. My mother
and grandmother decided to have my grandmother prayed over. Now
i'm an OK Catholic i guess. I mean i go to church every Sunday...
I participate in church activities...my life though is not led by
Church or God b/c most things i do would probably be considered looked
down upon. So now here's my real question... What the fuck has
God done for me?! Why should I even bother going and doing these
things? The reason i say this is because my grandmother has been
a devote Catholic all of her life. In her whole life span shes
probably missed a total of 5 days of church...even when she's on
vacation she goes to church... my other thing is this woman has
probably never taken the lords name in vain and she's probably followed
the 10 commandments her entire life... She reads passages from the
bible every night and has really picked up on praying because of
everything thats been happening. So here's where my question
comes into play.... why should I do these things...go to church, pray,
read the bible...etc... if my grandmother is still gonna die even
though she's done this her entire life... I guess what i'm trying to
say is if hes not going to help her then when i need help he's probably
not going to help me either.... so i pretty much should just stop where
I am... Lately i've been feeling like God is just there to calm people
down and think they have a chance but i'd rather take a chance by
myself... i've lived my entire life without any help from him and why
should i go on thinking thats he's up there to help me when he can't
even help the ones I love. So I really don't care about anyones
opinion on this and I don't care if i'm wrong this is how I feel.
What i'm saying is I stop going to church today....i'm taking off this
"Godly" cross that is supposed to make me think he might actually be
helping someone or something... and I give up...I just give up....
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